Spring-ish

Since this "spring" hasn't been extremely warm, we've spent more days "in" than "out." After we lost Eden we took down the whole nursery and set up the playroom. As nice as it has been at times, they don't play in there as often as I would like. Seems they congregate right where I am, or my friends are. I do love them, just need some space every now and again. Or daily :)

This little girl will be doted on and protected the REST OF HER LIFE. It's already an argument between my boys who get's to "marry" her. Hayden insists it be him since she smiles at him more.

I don't know, Teagan pays a WHOLE lot of attention to her. He has been known to "not" be so gentle with some children. However, he is very sweet with Halle. This particular day he was undressing her. She just sat and smiled at him. The joke was that he could at least take her to dinner before :)

We have forced these two to be friends. They are finally getting along a lot better but their relationship has been quite rocky at times. Funny thing is, they have always asked for each other but when they actually get together, the novelty is gone.

Teagan's favorite activity has been blocks. Dreaded blocks. Of course it is the one thing that makes the BIGGEST mess. He is quite good at building. The above picture of course involved some parental help on my part.

Hayden is the most creative boy I have ever met. Watching him play has always provided hours of entertainment. He has such an imagination. He is pretty darn good at building things himself!

Playing dress up. Another fun thing. I told Hayden he needs to learn how to put them on himself. It becomes a tiring game of putting them on, taking them off, and hanging them all back up within a VERY short time period.

Not too unusual. Teagan is definitely the boss of the house!

My Birthday was extended over a week as usual. Just my style. I started it off with a dinner with my family on Friday the first. My mom had just had surgery so we ordered Asian Potato and picked it up as take out. We ate at the house. Very delicious. My friends Megan got married on Saturday so we went to that. What a cute couple they make. Sunday we had dinner with my family at their house again. Monday was my actual birthday. Brian had tried to plan a big surprise party for me but that didn't end up working out. We left the kids with the Gardners while we went to Olive Garden to eat. The theaters were having quite a dry spell for movies so we bought some ice cream from marble slab (not a great idea) and had cake and ice cream with the kids and Gardners. Since I got pregnant with Teagan I have been slightly intolerant to milk in large quantities. It sucks. I also opened some perfect birthday gifts...

Usually how you find these two when they are together. He absolutely adores "Hawwie."She may hate me for posting this picture but she can't stay mad at me. She simply couldn't spend a day without me :)

Kacey always makes sure my birthday is perfect. She made sure I had a cake on my actual Birthday that I didn't have to bake.

My actual birthday ended with Hayden SOBBING on my belly. He misses his sister. I have really tried my best to sit down with him and explain what happened to her, where she is, how small she was, and all kinds of things he has questions about. As smart as he is, it's still confusing. I know I would be. One morning I am pregnant, the next I am not pregnant and have no baby. He said he just wanted to be able to feed her a bottle and he doesn't understand why Kacey could get her baby but we couldn't have ours. So sad. He wants a sister SO badly. Recently while waiting in a parking lot of Zupas for some friends, a mom and her little girl walked by. Hayden mentioned how cute she was and that he wanted us to have a little girl. He went on to tell me, "You don't just get any baby, Heavenly Father has to pick it for you." I guess that IS how it works :) Teagan said, "You want a gwill Hayden."

Teagan asked why he was so sad that night and when he told him why, his reply was, "Well, I don't miss the baby." So sweet right?

Anyways...the following Friday we went out with friends to Training Table and then some of the gals + Sean, went out to a movie. We saw Source Code. Not my romantic comedy but it was interesting anyways. Not to mention VERY confusing!

Easter was fun filled and busy. The festivities started with dying eggs at my parents house the Sunday before. The uncles sure know how to bust out the creativity.

I hosted a lunch bunch on Wednesday. This is my "creativity" as far as the food was concerned. Notice the cute caterpillar/worm rice crispy treats I saw in a magazine. These peeps were my favorite treat this year. Mmmm!

That Wednesday night we took the kids to see "Measter Bunny" as Teagan would like to refer to him.

Teagan could not have been more thrilled that the bunny COULDN'T talk. He's still talking about him.

The next Friday night we dyed eggs with friends. That night was cRaZy! Fun though.

Gavin basically dyed everything BUT eggs :)

Rosie was very meticulous with her mad marker skills.

I just LOVE this picture! Gavin loves Brian.

Jaqueline got her nose dyed.

On Saturday, South Jordan hosted an Easter Egg Hunt. My parents and Trevor and Heather joined us for a wild dash for a few pieces of candy and cheap party favors.

Hayden waiting for the whistle. He actually got a pretty good spot.

Teags being skeptical of the "eagle" dressed up there. For being such a tough guy he sure hates dressed up characters.

Clinging on to Papa

Fun Cousin picture. Teagan insists on placing his hand on babies heads.

Later on Saturday we went to my little nephews birthday party. One year goes by faster than you ever think when you have little babes. It's a mystery to me. He is super cute.

This is my nephew Steve. We are the same age. Strange huh? Anyways, I LOVED this picture. I thought it was so sweet.

Jaxon acted SO much like Hayden did on his first birthday. A bit overwhelmed and wouldn't touch the cake! Jaxon had a lot less tears than my little man did though.

Because I wasn't the designated photographer, I actually made an appearance!

Blair is quite a little photo fanatic as well. I do love her!

I look deep in thought. Really...I wasn't.

Sunday morning was another difficult one. While getting ready I had a quick little vision of my little girl sitting on the counter watching me get ready for church. I went through the motions at church again and had to leave during a hymn. There was a REALLY good talk about trials. There have been several of them since losing Eden that have really stuck out. This lady talked about losing her 31 year old son 7 years ago. He left behind a wife and 4 small children. She mentioned it being the worst day of her life. I can relate. The nightmare of Eden's delivery day plays through my head daily. Sometimes multiple times a day. This lady had a quote that was really inspiring. "Your future is only as bright as your faith." I have really struggled with the future and how it will all play out. I do believe that it is up to you to make it what you want...sometimes. Crap happens to good people. I guess you just have to put your trust in Heavenly Father. Believe me, still working on that.

She also talked about the whole "not waiting for the storm to pass but learning to dance in the rain." Let's not talk about my coordination issues in the dance department. Rather, I am talking about my trial I am forced to face right now. I never want to waste time that I have with my boys while they are young. It's been the hardest balancing act trying to care for kids, deal with sadness and anger, support my husband, and keep up with house, and callings, AND everything else. I have really been in the "do it for the kids" mode. Right now it works, but I know they can tell my true emotions and it won't work forever. I want to get to a place where I am okay with what's in store for me. Me, Robyn. All while hoping for good things to come. I have also felt very undeserving for anything great. These two attitudes contradict each other. I am still unsure about how to handle all of THIS.

Back to Easter...

After church we took part in "awkward family photos" as we tried to pose kids for a picture in our matching attire. Then it was the Gardners turn. Oh how fun two year olds can be. Four year olds as well :) Ah heck, if your not photogenic, your not photogenic...

The boys' baskets.

The only thing Hayden cared about in his basket.

The only thing Teagan cared about...candy. So much for stressin'

My parents had dinner and an egg hunt. We all got baskets with new shirts, candy, and something fun for the kids. Thanks Mom and Dad.

I remember as a kid my parents really tried to instill in us the true meaning of Holidays but especially this one. I still remember me and all my brothers being gathered in our parents room and finding out the real truth behind the floppy eared creature that makes my unbreakable two year old literally tremble. I completely enjoy the commercial part of Holidays but it's NOT what it's about. Makes me sad to see those who only care about the commercial part.

Well, this is what we've been up to...basically. With a whole lot of other stuff mixed between.