Wow!

So I realize that I have a lot of updating to do and tt should come before this, but I was so touched by a blog I found that I had to share. I don't share a lot of spiritual experiences on here, but all I can say is, "Wow!"

My mom called me the other night telling me about a blog she had found from a blog of my friends. All you blog hoppers know what I am talking about. She told me the gist of the story and I thought, "I will check it out for a second and then take a closer look tomorrow." That was until I was captured by the story. I spent well over an hour on this blog while my eyes just welled up with tears and all who know me, this doesn't happen too easy.

Word gets around fast so you may have heard about the story of the little boy who drowned at the end of January. He is the same age as Teagan which is why this story has affected me so much. I also learned she is a photographer, has all boys who's names all end in "N". She also calls her baby "Tiger." I also usually throw my kids in the shower with me, it's just easier like she says. I don't know, just seems like a lot in common. I encourage everyone to go to the blog and read the story from the beginning. She has a ton of updates so you will have to scroll down quite a ways. The blog is: www.stakerzxposed.blogspot.com.

Not only was the story amazing in itself but was a gentle reminder of several things to me. First of all, WATCH MY KIDS IN THE TUB! Not that I don't already, but I have ran to get a diaper and onesie.

Secondly, we spend too much time worrying about things that don't matter in this life. I am so much at fault for this. We take for granted the gift of life and how blessed we are to wake up everyday healthy and alive.

Lately, I have been down, losing hope. I am not one to lie and say everything is fine and I am "good" every time you ask me. I am real. I will tell you how it is, always have (doesn't always please my mom or husband.) We have struggled financially since Brian lost his job almost a year ago. I Still can't believe it's been that long. We have exhausted all money resources and still have one car, no tv service, just a few outfits that fit me, etc. I am also lonely most days with Brian working 60 hour weeks and nothing to show for it. Teagan is a hard baby right now which leaves me exhausted by the time the morning is over. I get about 6-7 hours of broken sleep a night. I feel so sad throughout the day until I go to bed and say my prayers. When I hit the pillow after a hard day, I realize the things I am so consumed with don't even matter.

I am just SO grateful to have two healthy boys, a hardworking husband who is willing to provide for us, and a home even if it's hard to come up with the payment every month. It keeps us safe and warm. I am also grateful to have an operating car to get us around even if I spend lots of time running Brian to work or making other arrangements. I have clothes on my back and I have never had to tell my kids there is no food to eat. These things are the most amazing blessings.

One night as I was up with Teagan in the night, it hit me. Sara Staker would give anything to be in my shoes, at home, with my baby, who has working lungs. I just smiled as I put him back to sleep. You never know how much time we have with our loved ones and my boys will only be 3 and 1 once. I want to spend quality time with them, this is one things I always strive to do. I know how fast they grow and I don't want to wake up one day with regrets.

My third thing is how grateful I am for eternal families. I am so grateful Brian and I were married in the Temple. It seems that less and less people realize the value of temple marriage. It makes me sad. I can't imagine a day without my boys or Brian. I have lately questioned my beliefs as I have felt abandoned and alone. I have thought how much more fun it may be or how much easier it would be to just throw in the towel. However, I am always brought back to reality by thoughts, experiences, and stories of others. I think of this family and one other. If you don't shed enough tears, check out another blog, www.babymckallister.blogspot.com. This is a girl from my stake growing up who had a stillborn baby. I can't imagine not having the knowledge of eternal families. Both Sara and Cali are amazing women with tremendous amounts of faith and strength.

I believe that during trials, we can choose two paths. One, we can accept it and become better because of it. We can push through and have faith that it will all be okay. Or, we can go down the other path, which maybe makes us feel like we are getting back at a "higher being". We can be miserable and keep finding ways to bring us "temporary happiness."

I have read the stakers blog and have seen the power of the priesthood, prayer, and fasting. That baby had no pulse for 11 minutes plus. Doctors said he should not be making the progress he is making. There is no "earthy" explanation for this.

I am so grateful for my life and all my loved ones!